by Tom Molnar

Today, Duke is 'helping' a new driver get acquainted with the system at B.S. Trucking.

* * * * *

Duke is lighting up one of his Black Russian's, preparing to ease into a chair in the driver's room when a new driver blunders in, looking for some help with his paperwork.

"Hi! I'm Will. I just started today and the dispatcher said I could ask anyone in the driver's room to show me how to fill out this paperwork." The new driver waits for some response from the driver already in the break room. Unfortunately, the driver already there - is Duke.

Duke looks over from his chair, takes a deep drag on his cigarette, and blows a cloud of smoke in Will's direction.

"Uh huh", Duke mumbles, noticeably miffed by the intrusion into his space. "So what do you want to know? What's the problem?" His feet are now propped up on a table, proudly displaying his snakeskin cowboy boots. Duke, using his thumb and forefinger in a spreading motion, evens out his mustache.

"Well uh, I'm not sure where to start with all this stuff", Will said. "It sure seems like a lot of stuff to fill out just to get in a truck and drive. I can fill out the logbook, but this pay sheet stuff and this cry sheet is a little beyond me."

Duke hesitates a moment, then mumbles under his breath, "Yeah, I'll bet a LOT of stuff is beyond you..."

"I'm sorry", Will said, "I didn't hear you. The noise from the dock drowned you out. What did you say your name was?" He reaches his hand out to shake Duke's.

Duke doesn't even bother to get up. He just extends his hand and shakes Will's, after Will walks over from across the room.

"I'm Duke. Duke Slade. You're lucky I'm the one in here right now, cuz I'll show you all you need to know. Pull up a chair - and pay attention." Duke takes another deep draw on his Black Russian.

Will starts spreading the papers out, taking up half the table in the process.

"First thing you need to understand", Duke says as he leans over the table in Will's direction, "is that all this paperwork is designed to short you out of as much money as possible. If they could, they'd have you driving for free."

"The dispatcher said the important thing was to get everything right so I would get all the money I'm entitled to."

"See there?", Duke states. "Already they're trying to brainwash you. Listen to me. It IS important to fill this stuff out properly. It's just that "properly" is relevant. Their idea of what's proper and MY idea of what's proper are about 180 off.

Duke takes the main pay sheet in his hand and points to the top of it.

"Ok, now be sure you fill in all this stuff pertaining to your name, number, route, equipment, and starting time. This stuff IS important. However, sometimes you may need to jockey the start time, so leave that for last. The same thing will go for your quitting time. Everything you do should be geared for working to YOUR advantage."

Duke looks Will squarely in the eye and says, "That's right."

Will shakes his head in apparent agreement. "They told me my pay sheet has to match my log book."

"In a perfect world, that's good advice", says Duke. "Unfortunately, we're in the REAL world here, and that advice is only partially applicable. A wise old sage once said "Nobody cares what you REALLY do, as long as the paperwork looks good..."". Duke sits back and watches to see the reaction of the new driver. "You can take that advice to the bank"

"I see", says Will. "So you're telling me I should lie on my paperwork?"

"Oh no!", Duke retorts. "I never told you to lie! No way! I'm just saying that the powers that be want the job done, they want to be in the clear in case of any, uh, shall we say 'mishaps', and you want to look as clean as you can as well. You do whatever you have to do to get the job done, but make sure your paperwork is in order at all times."

Duke snuffs out his smoldering butt, still watching for reaction from the new guy.

"Are you getting this?", Duke asks. "I'll show you the basics to be sure you get paid properly, and how to fill out all the important stuff, but you'll have to devise your own plan for, uh, making sure the paperwork looks good, no matter what you really do. Remember, even the cops don't care what you REALLY do, as long as your paperwork looks good. That way THEY are in the clear too."

Duke notices an offending fingernail that needs attention. He pulls out his emery board and begins to sand the end of the nail to the proper level of perfection.

"Always remember this", Duke says, rounding off the fingernail and looking around to see if anyone is listening from the door. "From the top on down to the bottom, which in most cases means you; nobody but nobody cares what you really do out there, as long as the job gets done, nothing bad happens, and you make the paperwork look good."

Duke stands up, takes his outstretched arm, and in a backhanded motion, swings it over the entire table as if including all the paperwork in his next sentence.

"All this stuff is great - for keeping everyone's nose clean from top to bottom. Just remember that everyone from that top to this bottom is counting on you to make it look good. Ford has it right when they refer to Job One. Your Job One is making all this stuff look like it's all being done right. All on the up and up. How you choose to REALLY get the job done is your business."

Duke leans back against the wall, lifting one of his feet and placing the sole of his boot flatly against the wall. He puts the emery board back in his shirt pocket, then uses one of his fingers to push his cowboy hat up in the front.

"There you have it, boot. The Duke Slade quick but immeasurably important lesson in getting along in the world." Duke smugly grins at Will. "Ya know son", Duke says in a patronizing manner, "you could take my advice here and apply it to your everyday life from now on, and benefit immensely. And I'm not even asking for a 'thanks'. Just look me up on a couple months and tell me how you're doing." Duke grabs his logbook and heads for the door.

"Uh, thanks Duke", Will says. "I appreciate your time and help. I'll try to remember all this."

Duke appears to not hear a thing Will says, though he's sucking it up.

As Will scoops up all his papers, he's thinking that old Duke just may have something here.......