by Tom Molnar
Duke is eastbound. He’s been mumbling under his breath all night, ever since he found out his truck was in the shop overnight and he’d have to make this trip in Bobby’s truck.
Why the hell didn’t they start servicing it earlier in the day? They knew I was going out tonight. Jesus - look at this piece of crap. No garbage bag, no ash tray, no place to put my coffee cup. I’ll show ‘em…
*****
As soon as Duke climbed up into the cab, he noticed the "NO SMOKING" sign stuck to the dashboard. He had one of his Black Russians burning in his hand when he opened the door.
Ok Bobby, I’ve got your ‘no smoking’ right here….. He dropped the butt to the floor, stomped it, and kicked it out the door. We’ll see about this.
*****
Around midnight Duke finds himself gettin’ hungry and reaches down into the Subway Sandwich Shop bag to retrieve his foot long roast beef, turkey, and cheese sandwich - with all the trimmings. Duke loves sandwiches with tomatoes, lettuce, onions, olives, jalapeņo peppers, and special sauce. Messy but scrumptious. Accent on the ‘messy’. Since Subway is famous for cutting their buns in a funny canoe-like manner, stuff just naturally falls out while you’re eating. Eating with one hand, driving with the other, the mess is even worse. And hell, it’s Bobby’s truck, not his, so who cares?
The first bite goes well, but the second and third bites begin to push the filling out the other end of the sandwich. A tomato wedge slips to the floor with a ‘splat’, followed by several strings of wet lettuce, and an olive slice.
"God, I love sub sandwiches", Duke says out loud as he reaches down for his 24 ounce full sugar Pepsi. He takes a long draw on the straw and puts the big tumbler back on the floor. He thinks it’s on the level, but half of it is over the edge of the small step of flooring in the Freightliner cab between the two seats. As soon as he takes his hand away the whole thing tips over, pops the top off, and spills the sticky liquid all over the floor directly under Duke’s seat. Duke, of course, has no clue.
As he continues to eat, stuff continues to fall off the sandwich. Some lands on his pant leg which he simply brushes off onto the floor. Other stuff just goes directly to the floor (which now is a sea of Pepsi, still unbeknownst to Duke). Finally, with the last bite at hand, and the sandwich wrapper between his hand and the messy concoction, Duke slips that bite into his mouth. The wrapper has been dripping sauce since the first bite and this too is mixed into the ‘soup’ down on the floor. He crumples the wrapper and lets it drop to the floor.
Well Bobby, this is what you get for not having a garbage bag in your truck.
Duke’s hand is still wet with sandwich juice when he hears one of his favorite Barry Manilow tunes come on the radio. He reaches out and turns the volume up with his sticky, dripping fingers.
"I know I can’t live without you, dum dum dee dum dum, dum dum dee……" Duke hums his way through most of it as he uses a paper napkin to clean himself up.
The napkin slips to the floor as duke reaches down to retrieve his Pepsi. While trying to keep his eyes on the road, he fishes around for the cup where he thought he put it. Finally, unable to locate it by feel, Duke turns on the interior light and gasps at the realization that about 22 ounces of his 24 ounce Pepsi has turned the floor into a shiny, sticky mess. The napkin has totally absorbed all the liquid it can and is just one more sticky, gooey thing on the floor. Duke turns the light off.
Damn, look at this mess. I barely drank any of it. What am I going to drink now? Maybe there’s some coffee left in my thermos. This is what Bobby gets for not having a cup holder anywhere in the truck.
Duke stuffed his thermos over on the riders seat behind his briefcase, so it’s still clean. He grabs it, shakes it, and finds there is still some coffee in it. Using the thermos like a broom to make some room on the floor, he then places the cup down and begins to pour coffee into it. The pavement is rough and most of the coffee seems to be going onto the floor. Ahh, but it’s Bobby’s truck, so who cares? Finally, with only a couple inches of coffee in the cup, and the thermos empty, Duke picks up the cup and washes down the last bits and pieces of roast beef and turkey.
To Duke, there’s nothing like a fine cigarette after dinner, so he lights up one of his Black Russians and proceeds to smoke up the cab.
"I got your ‘no smoking’ right here", Duke says out loud as he blows a plume of smoke toward the windshield, laughing all the while. When done, he drops the butt to the floor where it sticks to the Pepsi/coffee soup. He stomps it out with his cowboy boot where unknown to Duke, the butt sticks to the bottom of his sole. Finally, as a finishing touch to ‘dinner’, he pulls out a pack of gum. He takes one stick, unwraps it, lets the papers drop to the floor, and places the "Juicy Fruit" into his mouth.
"I lub jupy prupe", he says out loud as he chews and talks.
With dinner out of the way, he hits the ‘search’ button on the stereo and begins the evening’s quest for more Barry Manilow tunes.
Life is once again good for Duke.