One of the short breaks I mentioned that I have had from the steering wheel was working as a dispatcher.

Dispatch is a very, um, interesting job. I used to be like everyone else in the business and make all those rotten comments about dispatch. You know the ones I mean, "Haulin' dispatcher brains" etc. In my ignorance back then I just figured that dispatchers were of the sadistic order of mankind and that they truly enjoyed having nothing to do but sit around and make my life miserable.

Now, after a little over 2 years as a dispatcher myself, I have a slightly different perspective. First of all I now call it the suicide seat. Anyone who has ever dispatched will know exactly what I mean by that but here is an explanation anyway.

Imagine you are standing in a small circle in the center of a large room. The room is full of people but you are the only one standing in the circle. Everyone in the room is talking to or yelling at you, at the same time. Some are happy, some just want to complain about something and some are shouting angrily. All of them want something from you.

You are doing your very best to accommodate everyone but as quick as you get one group or person satisfied, another group or person is shouting because you havn't met their needs. If the drivers are happy, then either the customers or the safety department or management is really upset. So then you try to satisfy whomever is the most upset and then the drivers are mad at you again.

This goes on for 10 to 15 hours a day. Then you go home and yell at the kids for a while, eat dinner, promise your wife you will try to improve your attitude and then you go toss and turn in the bed for a couple hours. About the time you finally fall asleep, the phone rings. Usually it is a driver needing directions or instructions. Sometimes it's a customer or a manager needing information about that hot load. Always it is some new problem that you must solve. Finally you get back to bed and resume the toss and turn for a few hours until it is time to go back to the office and take your place back in the circle..

I gave up that wonderful life a year ago this month. I honestly believe that I would not have lived to see the end of this year if I had stayed in that circle..

Just like in every other walk of life, there are good dispatchers and bad ones. I am very lucky. I used to dispatch both of the guys who now dispatch me and they have not yet even tried to get even with me.

If you are thinking about jumping the fence to the greener grass of the dispatch desk, take some advise. Just get a gun and do yourself in right now. It will be much quicker and far less painful.

Well now that we have you all buttered up dispatcher, I would like to ask you a favor. You know and I know that no matter what you do, someone is going to be pissed at you. We also both know that since the drivers have the least power of anyone to affect your career or income, it is usually them that gets the shaft. I know you hate that it has to be that way but it is not your fault, you have kids to feed too.

What I want to ask is if you would get those drivers home for Christmas. They were on the road the last two and it's about time their kids and grand kids got to see what Christmas is supposed to be like before it is too late...

The National Association Of Professional Dispatchers For The Real World, (TNAOPDFTRW) as I like to call it, allows you two major snafu's a year. You used one last summer when you sent two trucks to pick up the same load in Boise that time. You still have one left and time is running out so, GET THEM TRUCKERS HOME 10-4!

I want to take a minute to thank everyone for the great support I have recieved this year.. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of kind letters I receive. It also amazes me that nearly half of those letters are from people who have never driven a truck. I wish all of you a very safe and a very merry Christmas. If you see a driver on the road over the holidays, smile and wave at him, he is there because of something you or your family needed and I know he will appreciate the support... As you look at that beautiful tree and all of the packages under it try to also remember that,

One more thing, if you have never heard of (TNAOPDFTRW) that's because I just made it up. It is a fault in my character that causes me to make sarcastic remarks at least 10 times a day. Please forgive me...